The Colbert Report/Episode/590
Production Info |- |} |- |} The Check-In * Dr. Colbert is the last sandman ** Anal probes on Alpha Centauri are expensive * apparently they only do Check-Ins once a week Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert has something in his throat ** Obama tried to shove his healthcare down it * keep out of people ERs, have Obama's speech on the TV ** shamble out on their bleeding stumps * can't explain your billion dollar plan in 30 minutes or less ** scrap it, Stephen gets his pizza free * why not play half price for the thing? ** Stephen has seen this before * Healthcare Reform is the Matrix ** floor-length leather trench coats * First part would be amazing ** the next 2 parts would suck SEGMENT2 * Sean Hannity is on the case ** aired a warning on Obamacare * horror stories * Dr. Colbert is going to help Hannity scare the crap out of you * Healthcare Hell-Scare: Diagnosis Murder ** wants to be fair to Obama and ** inform you, while terrorizing us *** terror-form * expert victim ** from Canada Martin Parnell! * Montreal hospital with chest pains * First call: Benjamin R. - Nyack ** rationing means when things look bleak *** private * Susan S. - Grand Rapids ** Claude direct from Paris will answer ** France's shoddy healthcare gave him a heart attack, invisible death trap * Darryl G. - Queens ** cover mental health? ** Salvador from Spain ** on a scale from 1 to 10; the answer is "egg" * truer words were never spoken Threat Down! 4 U.S. Senate * cut funding for F-22 ** 100 that have never been used ** state of the art in 1979 3 Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. * a man with 50 degrees ** almost 5'4" ** police dropped the charges * Obama associates with burglars 2 Bill Gates * control the weather ** cool the warm water ** no matter what weather he tries for ** better to spray the gay people 1 Unemployed Wilford Brimley * no longer doing commercials for Liberty Mutual ** too much free time means only one time ** Henry Louis Gates let Brimley into Colbert's house *** there's no oatmeal Interview * Zev Chafets ** book: "Cooperstown Confidential: Heroes, Rogues, and the Inside Story of the Baseball Hall of Fame" * evidently former pitchers were indeed belly-itchers * he has a beef with the notion that the hall of fame is a religious ** not great human beings * Hall has a rule of five ** not kowtowing to big math * in 1926 Ty Cobb pistol-whipped a Chinaman at second base * 1889 injested monkey testosterone * he hoped to improve his pitching * took amphetamines ** Babe Ruth drank publicly during Prohibition * he thinks Mickey Mantle was on the grassy knoll * the problem is the cover up, not the behavior ** today everyone is using something * Stephen suggests adding a notation to the back of a player's baseball card about the substances the player took ** kids can root for the player and the pharmaceutical company supplying him Epilogue * don't tell Dr. Colbert how the show ends; he's TiVo-ing it! Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments